"The only light is switched off and in the shadows I examine my room. It is incredibly messy, the heater barely works and my lukewarm attempts to sleep are constantly interrupted by my noisy housemates. On the desk beside my bed lies my phone, ready to alert me the instant somebody needs to get in touch. The heap I see next to it is the tiny collection of adventure novels that I seem to accumulate wherever I go. The collection that has formed in the six months I have been here consists of only six books, for my current lifestyle doesnt provide me the time for more than a single 800-1000 page novel a month. Beyond the collection of books on my desk is a jungle of notes, textbooks, papers, CDs, clothes and bags, scattered across the rest of the room in such a widespread manner it almosts looks intentional . I sit on the bed with my laptop and think about my life in England." - Nilanthan
It has been nearly a year since I created my account and posted my first blog and I think what suprises me the most is how much has happened in that seemingly short span of time. 2006 was a very turbulent year for me, as far as friendships, relationships and my attitudes towards life were concerned. I have absorbed a lot since then and my personality has undergone a drastic change, but reading my first blog again, I feel a certain joy in knowing that in essence, I remain the same person who wrote that blog almost a year ago.
I was going through a happy phase of my life then, had wonderful friends, experienced wonderful things. I felt neither the burden of life-changing decisions, nor the stress of meeting the expectations of people. But I feel them now. The feeling tightens it's grip over me with each passing day and I feel increasingly overwhlemed by the endless possibilities that my life can take from here. Are happy days ahead or has my trip downhill just started?
I have no idea. But till then I am determined to fight, determined to endure beyond the last adversary if I have to. And as part of my campaign, I have returned to blogging with a new enthusiasm. This time the average will be far higher than one post a year.
The last time I posted here, I was in Malaysia doing the second year of my Law degree. I am in England now, with only a few months left before I graduate and my whole life ahead of me. Barring certain circumstances, I can expect myself to have a bright future and a prosperous life if all goes according to plan. The downside, if it can be considered one, is the fact that all this requires an exceptional amount of hard work. I have always hated 'work' and 'routine' to the core of my very existence, and nothing that I have encountered in the course of two decades on planet Earth has changed my perspective on that.
Suffice to say, I need a source of output for my creative instincts to counter-balance my mundane activites. I need to pour my thoughts and ideas out to whoever is willing to listen. And what better way to express your feelings than on the internet, where anybody who treads past your works has the potential to be a future spectator as well? There may be no one out there who listens to my thoughts and struggles, but I always have the luxury of imagining otherwise.
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